Princess Kenpachi
by MadnessinmyMethod
Summary: It was amazing how quickly he had become a sparkly pink monster and all because of three little girls he called "Number One," "Number Two," and "Number Three." A Kenpachi humor story. One-shot. T for language.


_**Princess Kenpachi**_

_**By MadnessinmyMethod**_

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He was garbed in a horrid display of pink sparkles and taffeta. Never in his life did he suspect that sequins and frills, things he typical found to be symbolic of cowardly weakness or just plain womanly shame, could be instruments of terror and torture.

"Kenpachi-sama, you have to act like a _princess_," squealed one of three little girls. In an effort to save time and in general make life easier he had simply called them "Number One," "Number Two," and "Number Three." It had been suggested by one of the more comical members of the division that he call them "Number One," "Number Two," and "Number Four," but the humor had been lost on Kenpachi.

"No," he said flatly.

"Puhweeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzz," Number Two begged, batting her eyelashes to no avail.

"No," he repeated.

"Well, at least go sit in the tower so we can defend you as your royal guard. C'mon, you promised!" demanded Number One who was the most pragmatic and bossy of the girls.

"Lies," Kenpachi muttered, but nonetheless submitted to their will. In a sense, it was easier. Perhaps it would make things go faster. Perhaps he could manage to get out of this dress before anyone respectable saw him. He could expect a demotion from his captain status if anyone found out, of that he was sure. He would never have the respect of his division again.

"C'mon, get in the tower!" whined Number Three, who was the impatient one of the lot. "We need to protect you from the evil witch!"

"Kill me now," Kenpachi said quietly.

"No!" the three girls shouted in unison. "Then we _lose_!"

Kenpachi was a proud man. He was not proud in the sense of arrogance or conceit. He had abilities that were of a noteworthy nature, and a fair amount of confidence in him. That he would be proud of such abilities was only the natural order of things. Kenpachi was a warrior. Given a choice between reading a riveting novel and beating the shit out of a person, he would tear the book in two and get on with the shit beating. To some people, such behavior would be classified as crass or boorish. And certainly many believed that Kenpachi was a monster. He didn't seem to have the same sense of honor as other warriors did, but in the end he only ever fought for what was right. In the end, he might actually just spare a life instead of wiping it from existence, because Kenpachi wasn't interested in the death or the blood. Kenpachi was interested in the physical exertion and the adrenaline that rushed through his body when he swung his blade against a powerful foe.

Yes, Kenpachi had some sort of values and some sort of code. It was not written in clear form, but it was there nonetheless. The thing with unspoken codes however, is that they can be easily broken. When there are no set rules, no set expectations, no set guidelines, it is very easy to pretend that such things do not even exist. A smart person can easily tear down such ideals with a few quick words.

There is perhaps no one who is smarter and more logical than a little child. And that is how, that when Kenpachi tried to argue with three little girls, in the end, he ended up being the one wearing the pink costume and he ended up being the princess locked away in the tower, and he ended up being the one with the crown. And as Kenpachi stared down at what had become the sad ruin of his life, which was being the captive three little girls who had argued him into a dress, he could only wish that he had written a rule book before he had let the rest of his division persuade him to adopt children.

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**Author's Note: So I had this idea floating around in my head for awhile, but I hesitated on writing it because I kinda doubted the originality of it. I'm sure someone else has probably written a similar fic about Kenpachi and I'd be pretty surprised if that's not the case. Anyway, I ended up being bored one night and here's the ficlet now. This also happens to be the first thing I've ever written for Bleach. So please review and let me know how you liked it. **


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